I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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