Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
