you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
