May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
