New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
