I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
