life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize