i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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