Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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