Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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