There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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