the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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