She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
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