you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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