that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
