you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
