you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
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A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
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Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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