I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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