I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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