either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
