I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
