This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
