That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
