His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
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I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
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For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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