I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
