Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
wanna go halves on a baby?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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