I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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