is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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