I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
