She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize