I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
