Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
