uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
