Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
