My room smells like vodka and shame
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
