just tell him i said nine months
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Randomize
