I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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