Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
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If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
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People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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