So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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