This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
