oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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