Old men and throwing up are my life now.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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