Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
