For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
