she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
