YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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