I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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