i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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