Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
