Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
