hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The best revenge is premature balding
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
