JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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