wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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