matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
