her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Bring me that man meat
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
