New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
