Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
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I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
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I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize