i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
