I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
