Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
