i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
