you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
