i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
