the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
