Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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