why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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